Anger Management

When I was pregnant, I got really mellow. I'm a worrier and a screamer, but while pregnant I was all mother earth and happy and content all the time. I used to joke that the baby was sucking up all my anger and I was in for it when she came. Kendall came along, and although she made her demands clear, she was fairly easily calmed down. Until this week.

I went back to work after the first of the year. The weeks leading up to that, I was really torn about it. I really wanted to go back to work and use my brain (all that drama on TNT was rotting it), but Kendall got to be so much fun and I wanted to be with her all the time. I finally convinced myself it was going to be harder on me than on her. I was wrong.

Kendall is not taking my working well. And as I had predicted, she has inherited my temper. Grandma Gorman watches Kendall while I work, sometimes at our house, sometimes at hers. This is great - Kendall knows Grandma and loves her. Problem is, mommy is still in the house, and Kendall knows it.

The first week went okay. She got a little upset, but would calm down and go about her routine. She would scream and look in the direction of my office, hoping I would come out. But come week 2, she got serious about her demands. She was cool for a while, and then started screaming and would not stop. She was screaming so hard she was choking - throwing a full blown fit. If she was mobile, she would have been laying on the ground kicking and screaming. It got to the point that I had to go intervene, and as soon as I picked her up, she stopped. And smiled. All she wanted was mommy.

After work, I would hold her, and instead of wanting to play, she just wants to snuggle on my lap. She quietly sits there and smiles. It is like she thinks I will put her down and walk away if she is too loud - she can stay with me if she is good. It is heartbreaking.

During week 1, she spent 1 day at Grandma's all by herself, and she screamed a lot less. She knows when I am in the building, even if she hasn't seen or heard me all day. So next week, she is going to Grandma's by herself while I work. Hopefully this will help her transition to not having mommy all day.

On the otherhand, I found going back to work good. Makes me much more aware of the time that I have with Kendall and Nate. I love the cuddly baby after work. Makes my day's off so much sweeter.

Take today for example: Friday's are my day with Kendall. She spent the entire day with me, smiling, happy, talking, just completely content. We played, we cuddled, we talked. And when we did tummy time, Kendall rolled over for the first time. I thought it was a fluke, but she did it again for daddy when he came home from work. I was so happy to be there to see it!